Being Married to A Black Man

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I wanted to share my story and I have a message, a message to the black man…Being married to a black man is like mountain climbing. Absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. Everytime you reach a peak, you realize how many more you have to climb. Everytime you stop to take in the view, you start losing your footing. You hope to bring someone else to the top of the mountain with you one day, but then you remember how hard your journey was. And you try to live every moment like it’s your last because you both know how inherently dangerous mountain climbing is.

I got married to my high school sweetheart in St.Louis, MO back in 2014 – on the same weekend Michael Brown was killed. While on our honeymoon, we couldn’t help being distracted by the international coverage of the rioting in our hometown. And here we are in 2016, dealing with more unarmed black men being killed around the country – but this time, it hit me differently, even closer to home.

10603315_10201615999282286_6726187491506773894_nIn light of recent events I wanted to share what it’s like being married to a black man. To add some humanity to these “thugs” you see blasted across the news. To share why #BlackLivesMatter. And hopefully the next time you clinch your purse tight, follow someone around a store, pass on waiting for a black family’s table, or cross the street to avoid a “sketchy” black man, you’ll remember reading this.

Observations:

  • My husband grew up in a home with a single mom and four boys
  • at one point after his parents divorced, he lived with his mom, 3 brothers, 2 aunts, grandma, and 4 cousins in a 3-bedroom house
  • he receives constant criticism on how he speaks, dresses, and interacts with people
  • he can never get his hair to cooperate, so he trims the edges, and wears it confidently with swag
  • he feels cornered easily, almost like an invisible force is applying too much pressure
  • every time he touches me, I feel a love and warmth I can’t describe 
  • he’s heard the “young black man in America talk” countless times
  • he’s been programming computers since he was 15 and has a degree in Computer Science
  • he can’t wear red or blue around most crowds, but he can wear red, white, and blue
  • when starting a new business, he never wants to be the face of it (in fear that people won’t want to do business with a black man)
  • he’s 21x more likely to be shot by a police officer than his white friends
  • brad-2when he passes a cop while driving, there’s a sense of fear of ending up like Philando Castile and other black men that lost their lives to our “justice” system
  • whenever he’s been pulled over: he rolls down the window, puts his hands on his wheels, and asks if he can move
  • he’s sensitive and never really expresses how he feels
  • due to that sensitivity he also always knows if something is bothering with me
  • he’s highly aware of what others are perceiving
  • he eats vegan and saves spider’s as I’m about to kill them
  • he thinks he’s superhuman, and tries to take on everyone else’s burdens – while disregarding his own
  • he has to respond to questions like “why can black people use the N-word but white people can’t” or “are big dick black men really a thing,” or “why are black people so rude” and “why are black people so loud”
  • he’s so strict with himself and kind of harsh, like he lives without privilege or 2nd chances
  • he is constantly reminded of the white people vs. black people conflict
  • he seems kind of angry at his family for not setting up a stable foundation for his future, but he also knows they’re victims too
  • there is an unspoken competition/jealousy between him and all his peers, probably because no one has ever really made it out of oppression
  • his family is verbally supportive, but no one seems to really believe in him
  • he’s very disciplined and always works hard
  • most of his energy is spent avoiding danger, problems, and being profiled – but he wishes he could spend it on helping people and building businesses
  • brad-famhis brother’s 8th grade teacher said she “didn’t know black boys could be so smart” (at a Lutheran school, his brother is now an Orthopedic surgeon)
  • he’s not very vocal about his love, but his actions represent true, unconditional, selfless  love
  • he’s always in survival mode and threat is everywhere
  • he’s super healthy, athletic, and loves the sun and nature
  • his presence overwhelms me and apparently everyone else in a room, as they always stare
  • he lets me have my way most of the time, but when he has an opinion on something, it’s law
  • he’s conscious of his movements, in an effort not to make anyone uncomfortable or scared of him
  • he loves his friends and family more than anything and is the most loyal person I’ve ever met
  • he’s completely self-reliant and has a big ego…i guess because the world’s never had his back
  • he’s always been a dreamer, but lives his life in a way that makes progress toward his dreams
  • his only weakness is his love for people, he’s sacrificed so much for people who wouldn’t sacrifice for him

A message to the black man… you are loved, you are important, and your journey inspires a strength for which there are no words.

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How To: Wake Up Everybody

It’s time to wake up everybody! Mass unconsciousness is a real thing. It’s a dangerous thing. We’re drowning in a sea of distractions and it’s because many people are in a position of ignorance and subservience from birth. The lack of awareness around tools being used to manipulate us is actually getting pretty dangerous. We’re the only country in the world with citizens will to fight wars they know nothing about and accept handouts without considering the “cost” to society. From the pesticides on our food, to the GMOS in our food, to chemtrails, fluoride in our toothpaste, fluorescent lighting in elementary schools, prescription medications, fast food, pollution, aggressive marketing, and forced education – we barely get a chance to live on our own terms. Our shower water, swimming pool water, gardening water, and even our drinking water are altered & enhanced.

Sleeping Through A Revolution

“When Rip Van Winkle went up into the mountain, the sign had a picture of King George III of England. When he came down 20 years later the sign had a picture of George Washington, the first president of the United States. When Rip Van Winkle looked up at the picture of George Washington—and looking at the picture he was amazed—he was completely lost. He knew not who he was.

And this reveals to us that the most striking thing about the story of Rip Van Winkle is not merely that Rip slept 20 years, but that he slept through a REVOLUTION. While he was peacefully snoring up in the mountain a revolution was taking place that at points would change the course of history—and Rip knew nothing about it. He was asleep. Yes, he slept through a revolution. And one of the great liabilities of life is that all too many people find themselves living amid a great period of social change, and yet they fail to develop the new attitudes, the new mental responses, that the new situation demands. They end up sleeping through a revolution.

mlk_marchThere can be no gainsaying of the fact that a great revolution is taking place in the world today. In a sense it is a triple revolution: that is, a technological revolution, with the impact of automation and cybernation; then there is a revolution in weaponry, with the emergence of atomic and nuclear weapons of warfare; then there is a human rights revolution, with the freedom explosion that is taking place all over the world. Yes, we do live in a period where changes are taking place. And there is still the voice crying through the vista of time saying, “Behold, I make all things new; former things are passed away.” – Remaining Awake Through A Great Revolution, Martin Luther King Jr. (Delivered at the National Cathedral, Washington, D.C., on 31 March 1968)

This is an excerpt from one of the most epic speeches of all time. It took place in 1968 and the “great revolution” Dr.King speaks of is still taking place today. Have you ever made a goal for where you want to be 5 years in the future, and when that 5 year mark rolls around, you find yourself in nearly the same position? Or said to yourself “I will never be like my father,” and found yourself married to a guy just like him?

The point of this article is not to focus on the problems, however many there may be. It’s to offer an alternative to a seemingly solution-less problem. The key to waking up, and experiencing a sense of renewed freedom is to face the reality of the situation and learn to manage yourself, set proper goals, learn to use auto-suggestion effectively, and change your habits. If you’re reading this, congratulations you’re well on your way. Follow these 10 steps and you will gain true freedom.

 

1 ) Learn to Manage Oneself

The first thing I did was simplify my life. I began tracking my eating, spending, sleeping, drinking, indulging, judging others, and even bitching. I got a journal where I would write a daily gratitude list, long-term goals, and daily tasks list. Then I could see how many tasks I failed to complete, and reasonably assume I wouldn’t complete all my goals either at that rate. As Peter Drucker stated in one of the greatest books you could ever read called Managing Oneself, “If you can’t measure it, you can’t improve it.” By the way, you should read Managing Oneself. It’s the shortest book I’ve ever read and it expedited the process of reclaiming my power and waking up to my potential.

2) Treat the Earth Like A Living Organism

 

mother_nature_2_We’re taught when we’re very young that matter cannot be created or destroyed. Thus, the Earth nourishes us and when we die, we nourish her. We’re all part of the great food chain – the circle of life. Our bodies are made of 60-75% water and yet we still throw toxins in our oceans. Many nations have been known to profit off of the enslavement of others – both physical and mental slavery. Someone may have lost a limb or a family member for the coltan in your cell phone or diamond on your finger. If we begin to look at everything IN RELATION TO everything else, we see that we’re all connected. We have to remove the artificial distance we’ve created with languages, religions, political parties, and learn to love each other. We have to get back to our roots and oneness with nature and our environment.

3) Look People In Their Eyes

This was a tough one for me, especially being a tech savvy millennial. Technology, with all it’s wonderful benefits, has afforded us the opportunity to remove humanity from dealings with one another. I would never talk to people on the phone, or in person unless we were working together. The Trader Joe’s employees would drive me nuts, and I knew some of my favorite Orange is the New Black characters better than my neighbors and classmates. During this transformational period, I began looking people in their eyes. I tried to hold space for their highest good and potential. I viewed them like a soul – Instead of judging the outward manifestation of that soul’s environment & beliefs. I listened to what they said with my heart. This took some practice, but when I started getting really good at it – my art began to illuminate life in so many new and exciting ways.

4) Treat Your Body Like a New Car

body-2Would you put trash in your brand new car? Would you let someone use hot glue on the leather seats or pour acid on the center console? I stopped eating fast food and anything that wasn’t serving my body really, and I’m so grateful. Most people think of vegan as a label, but for me it’s more of a lifestyle. I know so many vegans that live off of candy, pre-packaged foods, and chemical cheese substitutes. I choose to eat only things that make be feel wonderful – whether that means tasting a culture’s traditional meat when traveling or eating raw vegetables, I’m down. Companies are profiting off of selling us crappy foods, and then selling us medications to combat the crap food we eat. They’re using chemicals to make us addicted to these foods and subconscious marketing tactics to get us to depend on their products. It’s a vicious cycle and should really be illegal, but instead, they make natural herbs illegal. The capitalistic interest here is not in prolonging our lives, but in profit. The best way around this is if it’s not organic or clearly nutritious (NO fruit flavored) just don’t eat it.

5) Master Entrepreneurship & Beat Capitalism

I’m not saying you have to become insanely rich. But I’ve learned something VERY important that shouldn’t be disregarded: If you’re living in the US, you need to become your own boss. I’ve had many friends that got fed up with this tyrannical system of mental enslavement, and expatted to live a better life somewhere tropical. However, by doing so they reduced their ability to save or impact others. The interesting thing about being born in the United States today, is that an average citizen has the ability to affect change in the world. This opportunity has never been afforded, let alone to a nation so young, in the history of the world. Capitalism is where the major conscious shift will begin.

body-1The Book of Eli starring Denzel Washington, was set in a post-apocolyptic modern-day world. Life was very much kill, or be killed in a dog eat dog, every man for himself, ruthless society with unimaginable pain and suffering. Cannabalism, rape, and other atrocities facing the 3rd world today were right here at home. Americans went to the movies, got their popcorn, cheered after the credits, raved in their reviews, and went on with their cushy lives. The only problem is that the movie wasn’t completely outside the realm of possibilities and had a very important message for us. Life could be like that if we don’t begin to operate as autonomous, independently thinking entrepreneurs.

In 2012 President Obama signed Executive Order 13603 which enables the government to seize all agriculture with respect to food resources, all forms of energy, all health resources, all forms of civil transportation, all water resources, all construction materials, and allows the head of any federal agency to conscript “persons of outstanding experience and ability without compensation,” in both “peacetime and times of national emergency” – basically legalizing slavery. If you don’t become an entrepreneur, you’ll work for one and when things go South, you and your family will suffer while they charter the first flight out of here.

6) Question Strong Ideologies

I knmother-nature-1ow quite a few people that would die for their religion, political party, their country, or their relatives. This speaks to their loyalty and courage, and I have immense respect for those people. However, I found it very beneficial to get to the roots of all the strong ideologies I held. When I did, I discovered the beliefs supporting my ideologies were given to me by meaning elders and society – and in fact not my own. I was willing to die for something someone else had suggested.

7) Question Education

There are many tech entrepreneurs that never graduated high school yet there’s been a big debate over whether a college education is necessary to succeed. I know many people over the age of 40 who swear by our education system, even though it’s known to be the biggest scam in America. Universities are not what they once were and I would advise anyone attending or considering a University education to do some research before taking those loans. I personally earned a bachelors and it’s sitting in a box somewhere. I don’t use it or intend to use it because I don’t find working 40 hours a week for someone else’s dream and a measly living, fulfilling. I attended school in Germany for 1 semester for FREE, and the American institution I earned my degree from charged me full tuition to transfer my German credits. I’ve learned more from $20 books written by people who have actually become successful, than any institution I’ve attended. Click Here for one of the greatest resources you can use for deprogramming.

8) Learn to Use Auto-Suggestion & Social Media Properly

The ability to use auto-suggestion is one of the greatest tools in our belt. It requires us to monitor our thoughts carefully, only letting the fruits of our labor through the gates. Have you ever just had a random song playing in your head all day? Or heard your mother’s voice telling you about eating or avoiding certain foods? These are both auto-suggestive messages being played & replayed in your brain. The idea here is that we create a tape and posters to go all around the house that remind us of what we truly believe. I have messages like “My spouse is simply amazing,” “I make $50,000 a day,” and “I am enough in the presence of my creation” written on my bathroom mirror. I also have a calm, soothing recording of my voice repeating things like “You are an A-List actress. You have saved the lives of millions in the Congo.” – which I listen to daily. I’ve downloaded tons of motivational audio books on wealth, success, gratitude, and spirituality – that I play when I’m hiking, walking the dogs, cooking, etc.

social-mediaThe crazy thing about auto-suggestion is that it’s being used on you whether you’re aware of it or not. All these big retailers use it on us everyday. The entire medical/pharmaceutical industry, entertainment industry, educational industry, agricultural industry, political industry, and insurance industry operate on fear tactics and subconscious programming techniques (like manipulating auras & adding addictive chemicals to what we put in our bodies). From the commercials playing between songs on Pandora or Youtube, to ads playing on your favorite shows, to billboards, to product packaging, to automated phone calls, to emails, to credit card company ads, to the ads on the backs of receipts – it’s unavoidable. Advertising messages are going into your subconscious and programming you to shop, act, believe, learn, eat, and think a certain way. If you surround yourself with a lot of successful people, you’re less susceptible to becoming “brainwashed” by these techniques. However, to become successful, it’s even more important that you’re using auto-suggestion to your benefit. Mastering this technique takes some time but you will see major shifts within a few months.

Social media has become one of the greatest auto-suggestive methods. I found myself sort of “addicted” to Facebook in the sense that I’d plan to get off and then spend 2 more hours scrolling peoples timelines. It’s a beautiful tool to connect people and maintain relationships across the world. But now it’s easier than ever for retailers to target their products at us, and to force-feed ads, commercials, campaigns, etc down our throats. I’ve noticed how differently the wealthy people I surround myself with treat their social media. Normal people spend 20% of their time posting and 80% of their time looking at what others post. Successful people spend 80% of their time (or more) posting, and 10-20% of their time looking at what others post. If someone you follow – stranger, friend, or family – isn’t someone you want to be like, don’t look at their posts. Social Media should ONLY be used to communicate with your audience and to further the exposure of your brand.

9) Stop All Negativity

Stop judging, stop complaining, stop worrying, stop gossiping, stop fearing, and start living. If there’s anything I’ve learned from the wealthy people I’ve been around, it’s that negativity = poverty. Wealth and negativity cannot coexist for long, and an attitude of gratitude is the best approach to waking up.

10) Have a 100 year Goal

pop_starThis may seem a little unconventional because you’re probably thinking “I’m 35 – there’s no way I’m living to be 135!” In Grant Cardone’s sales university, he teaches how it’s important to have a goal you can’t achieve in one lifetime. This makes us extend ourselves outside our comfort zone, and have something to offer future generations. I discovered my personal 100 year goal of saving the Democratic Republic of Congo during this massive expansion period of my life. It’s become a mission so much bigger than myself, and fuels many of my best decisions to this day.

I might make a video about this topic at a later date. The things I’ve addressed here may seem simple, but let me not be mistaken, it took several years to make these changes. I’d advise taking one step at a time and until you’ve fully implemented it and can see a change, keep on it. Most people think they’ve learned something because they’ve memorized it – that’s what we’re taught to do – but until you understand and have successfully applied it, it hasn’t really sunk in. as Bob Marley said over 40 years ago when referring to the major mental shift that needs to take place, “Are you satisfied with the life you’re living?” If not, do something about it.

The Enlightened Artist

john-lennonStrange how we aren’t taught about universal laws and how Earth is a living organism. She nourishes us until we die (other than compost) and when we die we nourish her. Her trees help us breath and we’re made of 60-75% of her water. People are losing limbs for our cellphones & diamonds, and either killing each other or starving in the most resource rich places on Earth. How are so many religions able to just disregard ancient civilizations, magic, and other cultures whose reality is just as “real” as their own? How do we ignore energy healing and alchemy, and buy whatever foods, medications, technologies the media tells us to buy? So many people give advice on what they don’t know, people teach about what they haven’t done… In a world where it’s clear that very few people reach their full potential. Yet we choose not to learn about the techniques being used to manipulate us and keep us mentally enslaved. Why don’t people read books but read tabloids, Facebook statuses, and textbooks/religious books full of subjective opinions? Or people judge/value a person more because they earned a degree but not because they have specialized knowledge the world needs? Why not get a greater perspective then decide what works for you? Why not try to look inside ourselves, to our higher consciousness, intuition, and imagination?

Interdependent Thinkers

genius_barSmall mindedness and strong ideologies are so fascinating to me. If someone mentions their parents, their religion, or level of education in the first 60 seconds of our conversation – I’m guilty of judging them as interdependent thinkers. I discovered a unique sensitivity to profound art during my first year living in LA. Have you ever gotten goosebumps while listening to a certain song or cried while watching a powerful scene in a movie? I think there’s a certain “energy” that connects us all and truly great artists learn to connect with that universal intelligence to produce some of the greatest pieces of art we’ve ever seen. From Shakespeare, to Michelangelo, Martin Luther King Jr, Bob Marley, Steven Spielberg, Michael Jackson, Denzel Washington, James Cameron, Angelina Jolie, Beyonce, Oprah Winfrey, Tyler Perry, or Leonardo DiCaprio – they’ve all seemed to access this brilliance, often many times throughout their career. Some more consciously than others. At the end of the day that “source” energy is the origin of all creation – it’s life source, God energy. All great performances, spectacular poetry, beautiful paintings, songs, speeches, and even natural art (spiderwebs, flora, star systems) seem to come from this source. I believe it’s the key to greatness.

The Creative Genius

bob_marleyA new science called “emergence” is studying this, X-Factor phenomena, which Carl Jung referred to as “Universal Intelligence.” It’s undisputable that the artists who achieve this level of creative ability have mastered accessing a higher level of consciousness – while simultaneously ignoring negativity, approval from others, media brainwashing, and their environment & circumstances.

There is a certain vibratory invisible substance that connects all things. Whether it’s called Akasha, Logos, dark energy, the primordial OM, prana, the music of the spheres, the Higgs field, kundalini, qi, or one of a thousand other names through history. The vibratory field is at the root of all true spiritual experience and scientific investigation. It is the same field of energy that saints, monks, Buddhas, sages, yogis, mystics, sorcerers, priests, shamans, alchemists, and seers observe by looking within themselves. Monumental thinkers and creators, such a Pythagoras, Kepler, Leonardo DaVinci, Tesla, Michaelangelo, Carl Jung, Einstein, Mother Theresa, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr, John Lennon, Michael Jackson, and Bob Marley have come to the threshold of this energetic mystery. It’s the one common link between all religions, sciences, the physical, and the metaphysical.

It’ll be interesting to see how I can apply these findings creatively because my theory is two-fold. If I learn to access this God-like energy, but struggle to communicate, attract the right people, or brand myself properly in the physical realm – my efforts will go unnoticed. I think there’s a certain balance that has to occur. According to Sam Ovens, a successful entrepreneur, to be successful we need to balance sales, mindset, marketing, and strategy. Though artists aren’t looked at like businessmen – the fundamentals are the same. We’re essentially creating value & distributing a service that’s valuable to consumers in exchange for money/resources. Seems that anyone who has reached substantial achievement creatively has mastered that balance. We’re taught so much yet so little…

The Voice of Congo & Millennials Waking Up

congo-3The true voice of Congo has always be distorted and manipulated. I used to hear news of rape and violence around the world and chunk it up to the people just being “violent” or “uncivilized.” Then I’d go to Froyo & Victoria Secret and carry on with my life, not thinking about it again until I heard another news story. I knew the Holocaust was a horrific display of the human potential, but I’d never heard of King Leopold II from Belgium whose responsible for more death and destruction than Hitler.

The Long-Lasting Effects of Colonization

I never understood how human beings could just travel to an unknown land and claim ownership of the terrain, people, and their labor, forever. Some of the worst atrocities in human history were committed by Belgians in the Eastern Congo, while the British laid claim on the Aborigines in Australasia, the United States on native Americans and Filipinos, the French on Northwest Congolese, Spanish on the north and central native Americans, Portuguese on the Angolans and Amazonians, and Germans on Southwest Africans – obliterating the culture, spirituality, language, killing animals, and exploiting the land.

It may surprise you that most Europeans and tourists were disgusted by what was taking place all over the world. They sensed something innately wrong about this characterization of the Congolese and misrepresentation of the voice of Congo. The masses did not support colonization, so why did it continue?

Smells Like Smoke

How is it possible that the Congo River basin sits on $24 trillion in untapped natural resources (more that the US + Europe GDP) – yet 45,000 people die every month from diseases preventable with basic medical care?

I wcongo-4as inspired to post this status because I think millennials are waking up. I have so many enlightening conversations about people becoming inspired to stop eating meat, open their spirituality, and feeling a greater sense of interconnectedness – despite the mass desensitization taking place because of technology.

Everything has a price except the gifts and talents we were born with (imagination, love, reason, creativity, etc). Someone in the 3rd world is paying for our over-indulgence when we could use those abilities to carry our own weight. In Virunga National park, 10 women work 40 hour weeks, and make $40 per month as a group. People are losing limbs to mine coltan and make a meager living.

We have to get creative, and contribute more or our brothers & sisters will continue to suffer. Maybe swap out your nightly episode of reality tv to spend an hour starting an imports business. Or learn to cook organically instead of eating McDonald’s. As Emerson said, “Every man is a consumer, and ought to be a producer. He is by constitution expensive, and needs to be rich.”

The Silent Voice of Congo

congo-article-4We need to listen to that silent voice of our brothers and sisters, really listen with our hearts. I personally believe that the real voice of Congo is not the one portrayed in the media. The people are resilient, courageous, and loving. We could all learn a thing or two from a culture that is focused more on community & nature, than money & status. Many less-civilized, or 3rd world civilizations seem to value unity and peace far more than modernized, western societies. Many of these countries would be peaceful had they not been invaded, enslaved, manipulated, exploited, and pitted against their neighbors. The true voice of Congo is one of love, brotherhood, abundance, perseverance, and oneness.

It’s all a game.

Read About King Leopold II